My husband and I have been married for almost as long as I have been sick. We recently went on a ski vacation, which usually solves our relationship issues, but this time the truths came out, and I’m afraid we may be splitting up.
Problems in marriage
My husband and I have been married for 16 years. I truly believed I was in a harmonious relationship. I’ve had chronic pain for 14 years, and it’s physically demanding. My husband has always been understanding and caring, and I thought he was fine with helping me a lot.
We went skiing with friends. It’s a trip without kids that’s good for our relationships. But it’s a journey that drains my resources, disrupts my normal rest time, and consumes my energy. It’s all worth it because my husband enjoys skiing and we tend to bond on these trips.
This time was different. After we had gone to bed, my husband told me he felt obligated to constantly look after me on this trip. It made me sad because I thought he was helping me out of love. He even apologized the next day, saying he had misspoken. But aren’t they partially true?
He’s also said I’ll get better if I lose weight. I have taken on a lot lately, but I haven’t lost weight. In fact, I overeat a lot. So his ski trip comment haunts me and makes me wonder if our paths must be parted because I am a block around his leg. I don’t want to be without him, but I’m not sure he wants to be with me. What now?
Talk about it
I understand that you are tired and ill, but I think it is important that you and your husband do not get stuck in the roles of who must help and who must be helped. You can be strong and take responsibility even if your health is weak. A relationship must have balance, allowing both parties to be strong and weak when needed.
That’s why I think your husband’s comment on your skiing vacation is a great reason for you to take responsibility and express how you both feel. You shouldn’t play the victim’s card by saying you understand if he’s had enough of you. Instead, express your frustration at always being the one in need.
And then plan your life so he doesn’t feel like a permanent nurse, and you don’t always feel like you’re lacking. Try to be positive, because even if you have a disorder, there must be light and direction in your life. For example, you may not have the profit to lose weight, but you can get help and support to do so, and thus improve your relationship with yourself. But first, talk to your husband about what it takes for both of you to thrive. Love is evidently present, also from his side, and that is paramount.